and subsequent meditations therein.
This was something I experienced back in May of the year 2002.
Words don't do justice related to going thru the experience. But I find myself inadequate to convey a vision and the emotion attached to that vision which I experienced in particular one night, but then also on subsequent ponderings of the heart. Visions which shook. There is a song I wrote after the vision below. I think Ani D'Franco may be the only person with the talent and heart to sing such a song. Even though it is off her normal "track" - if anyone knows her, please point her to the song. My oldest daughter Abigail almost worships Miss D'Franco, but that is another story.
I go to a church, where there is liberty to go up front and lay on the floor and pour out the soul to our Creator. The praise and worship is such, one can lie prostrate on the ground and commune and feel perfectly at peace doing so.
Anyway, here I am lying down in church, listening to Holy is the Lord, or I'm desperate for You, or some other beautiful song. The pastor encourages us to come and seek the Lord during the song service at the least little quickening -- and has even told us, I could counsel you 30 times, but I may not have been through what you have -- come to the Healer -- come before Him -- honor Him -- and come before Him....
Anyway, was meditating about a difficult situation in life, and was it necessary in His sight, and if it was, I surely accepted that -- and then I had this vision, which I understood to be symbolic --- but I Watched a nail, a spike, being pounded into the right wrist of Jesus, and His body shook with a tremor(and I FELT the tremor - as the "arm" "jumped" against the nail), and I understood my sin resulted in the nail, and the pain He went through --- as time mused on I realized, though I did not want Him to suffer pain -- I certainly was not capable of bringing redemption to myself -- I was at a loss as I did not want Him to suffer, when I understood Him to commune with my heart - that it was His Pleasure to serve me, to bring me healing --- then I saw the left arm, and a nail, and a tremor (and I FELT it emotionally) arghhhh....
Frankly, i was somewhat undone by the meditation.... emotionally tearing up inside type of stuff that one could barely stand.
Later (after getting home) I learned, that WHILE I was meditating, my daughter Anna Lisa had already begun a 3 hour seizure about 90 minutes before --- shaking so violently, both her grand dad and grand ma, and sister Abigail about came unglued.... she was visiting up in Wichita Falls. After driving up, the doctor told me he almost put her under anesthesia to stop the convulsions, he was that concerned she would die. Three hours. Just now putting this down -- 3 hours reminds me of three days. Death and Resurection.
My baby did not die and with a new medication is actually doing well --- and I mused later on the Father beholding His Son -- and those tremors I had seen when the spike/nail was pounded into his wrist area --- I basically just saw an arm, and the rest of His body in a shadow, or just not clear... I mused on the Father watching His Son die.. it tears (eye kind) the soul, the spirit.. I thought about if I would have had to watch my baby die....
But I had a realization, that He WANTS me to grasp, that JUST as HIS SON was IN His HEART.... so my daughters, Abigail and Anna-Lisa, are IN HIS HEART.... He beholds them...he beholds us in some manner similar to the scene I described. It's hard to describe emotion that just shudders thru you....
But I will pray for my babies till the day I die.
© stephen wick 10/25/02